December 15, 2013
My baby bird flew the coop this fall and went off to College. That’s where she calls home these days. SO….I am now what you call an EMPTY NESTER…..really who made up that word anyway? I don’t know why, I just don’t’ like it. It makes me seem lonely. Well maybe ….just maybe I am. Umm………
When she left home, I was so sad, and had this empty kind of feeling in my soul. How do you let go of someone who has been with you every day, and, now suddenly will not be? What if I don’t want to let go? Nobody tells you that the physical pain you feel as you give birth is equal to the emotional pain you feel when it is time to let go…There is NO preparation for letting go of your now adult child! Somehow I was prepared for newborn-hood, and toddlerhood. I cried when I first dropped her off at day care…it was like someone pulled a piece of my heart out. Then I prepared myself for her Elementary School and her not being with me all the time. Then…. .came …… Middle School and High School. Wow…….where has the time gone?? I cannot catch up with her growing. Can’t life just pause for a little so I can enjoy this time more?? Fast forward …….Weird thing is when you little baby starts to drive a car…..Yikes …really not ready for this. While in High School she was busy, busy, and busier. It kind of prepared me for life at home without her….but not really.
You see she is my Tea buddy. Every day after school we would have tea or hot chocolate, put the fireplace on and chat in the cold months. In the warmer months, it would be smoothies. From 3-5 pm was always left open for her. That was “our time.” I would always plan on being home before 3 pm. Sometimes I would sit outside in the front of the house, and wait for her to pull in the driveway, kinda like the days when I used to wait for the school bus. We would catch up on the day. You see …you hear a lot more when you don’t ask any questions. Her day is fresh on her mind and she starts spilling (and I’m thinking yeah she’s sharing with me) I remember my Dad used to try to communicate with me. He would say “ Susan what did you do in school today?” I would always respond with”NOTHING!’ I really wish I talked to him more.
I went to visit for parents weekend about 8 weeks after she left home. She is a happy camper….loves her school and is blossoming there…in just 8 weeks. SO I think I must have prepared her good ……right? Well then why do I find myself wandering around the campus so sad? I should be so happy for her, I am happy for her. I miss her, I don’t miss her. I am so MIXED up. I have so many thoughts going through my head, like how she looked when she was small. I try but I cannot get the little girl image out of my head. She comes down from her dorm and we go to brunch…she’s pretty quiet…I’m feeling awkward…..and am not sure why. Yikes, she has already changed! I am feeling this push, pull thing from her. WHERE IS MY SWEET BABY BECA? WHERE DID SHE GO?? I know ……. I just know she is in there somewhere.
We leave her there, her new home now, and by this time I am very excited for her. She will be able to experience college life, something I was never able to do. The campus is beautiful, she has great friends and she even got accepted in a sorority. She has a whole family there now. How can I not be happy for her?
Going back to the empty -nester thing. SO we are all like Mother birds. We feed our babies, nurture them, hug and love them. We keep them safe and warm, and away from harmful animals. But the day comes when we have to be strong, and let them go. They need to try to fly on their own, knowing all the while that they may fall and get hurt. Ouch …..I think the hardest part is leading them to the edge of the nest to watch them take that leap. A piece of you always go with them. You know, at times that they may take a tumble of two but I pray that the will get up and learn to fly strong on their own. Here’s to all three of my baby birds Soaring!!
Looks like this mother bird…..needs to figure out what to do in this BIG empty nest 🙂